MOOON – Jim Yoder champions new name for our sad little satellite

By Kristin Troyer – Zenith Co-Editor-in-Chief (April Fool’s Day Edition)

Sometimes it’s full. Sometimes it’s new. This last fall it was even blood red. Our Moon – the satellite that revolves around our own planet – seems to be missing one thing that other planet’s moons have.

A cool name.

That is, according to Hesston College science professor Jim Yoder.

It’s true that other planet’s moons have a more satisfying signature than “moon.” Our own celestial neighbor Mars has Phobos and Deimos. Io, a moon of Jupiter, sounds like what the emo kid from middle school wanted to be called even though his name was Garrett. And who can forget the illustrious Shakespearean moons of Uranus? Cordelia, Portia, Juliet, Ferdinand, and my personal favorite Desdemona – all these names evoke thoughts of thrilling drama, encapsulating comedies, and unstable romances.

“Moon” just makes people think of butts.

Butt (haha), Yoder offers a solution.

“People have been calling that big, sometimes round thing in the sky the moon for centuries,” Yoder says. “It’s hard to get people to change their ways. I’m not suggesting for a change in name – just a change in pronunciation.”

“MOOON”

Likened to the sound of a gorilla or a squeaky toy being sat on, this new pronunciation would call for heavier emphasis on the single syllable word and a darker, more throaty speaking voice.

Still looking for clarification?

“Ask any of my astronomy students to demonstrate,” Yoder suggests. “I’m sure they will not be embarrassed in the slightest.”