Surviving Valentine’s day: Seven tips for lonely hearts

by Jordan Waidelich – Horizon Opinion Editor

Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day? Of course you do! It’s February 14th.

For those not in a relationship, Valentine’s Day serves as a constant reminder that they’re alone, and it can be just downright gross. So much love and happiness… no thank you.

Luckily, there are a number of things that will be able to hold you over for America’s worst holiday and clear your mind from preparing for your life alone.

  1. Netflix*: This is any lonely person’s go-to. Netflix will never leave you. It might judge you after eight consecutive episodes of “Parks and Rec,” but one click telling it that you’re still there, and that judgment is gone. Just think, the chances of poor Wi-Fi are pretty slim, considering most everyone else will be out for date nights with their significant other, while you sit alone in your room cuddling your Pillow Pet**.

*Any streaming video, including but not limited to: Netflix, Hulu Plus, and good old fashion movies. Try to avoid any love story that ends up happily ever after. Maybe today is a good time to watch the new Hunger Games Mockingjay movie that came out right before Thanksgiving. Nothing will get your mind off of love quite like a futuristic war movie.

**Really any stuffed animal will do.

  1. Chocolate: I know what you are thinking, isn’t buying myself chocolate a sad reminder that I don’t have anyone to buy it for me? No. That is where you are wrong, my friend. Chocolate tastes just as good no matter who buys it. It tastes even better if it doesn’t come in a fifteen dollar cardboard heart.
  1. Money: The lack of a significant other saves you time and money spent on gifts. Your wallet will actually thank you for being single. You might be alone, but at least you can have America’s elite by your side, be that George Washington or Benjamin Franklin, you will save more money this holiday than your courting counterparts.
  1. Love Notes: Write some love notes* to yourself pre-Doom’s Day, sign a different name, and then hide them throughout your room. Better yet, have someone else hide them for you. Go on a note finding adventure on the 14th of February.

*Example: Dear beautiful person, you are hopefully lounging in your room wearing sweatpants and surrounded by food while people are out in overcrowded restaurants, overdressed, and still waiting to eat. Trust me, you are on the better end of the deal here.

  1. Pizza: Call and order yourself a pizza. The delivery man doesn’t need to know that this large meat lover’s pizza* is really only for one person. Eight to ten slices of deliciousness is reason enough to want to stay home on Valentine’s Day. You don’t have to share it with anyone!

*Meat lover’s pizza by definition is actually the pizza of one single meat lover. That could be you!

  1. Ice Cream: Maybe pizza isn’t your scene, and there’s too much grease for you to stomach. Ice cream is always a safe go to. The cold just might numb your mind long enough for you to forget that you are alone on this “holiday.”

But maybe staying home, eating food alone in your room doesn’t sound like the most fun weekend plans. If that’s the case, the last item on this list is sure to boost your mood.

  1. Hang out with other singles: What could be better than reminding yourself that you aren’t the only one staying home this Valentine’s Day? Find people who understand your pain. It is a lot less saddening when you realize there are other single people out there. Single people need to stay together, and have each other’s backs.

That being said, have a wonderful Valentine’s Day, whether you are alone with a bunch of food*, or with a group of people who are despairing that they too might be alone forever.

*Just remember if that’s the case, you really aren’t alone at all, so who’s the real winner here?

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